LAMARSIM™The Institute for Quarterback Outcomes · Control Group Division🏛️ THE INSTITUTE
THE INSTITUTE FOR QUARTERBACK OUTCOMES · CONTROL GROUP DIVISION · WHERE CORRELATION LIVES
LAMARSIM
Every study needs a control: a quarterback whose outcomes match his process. Throw it into
triple coverage — the coverage disperses, respectfully. Scramble — ankles file for
workers' comp before contact. Do nothing at all — the defense falls down anyway.
Nothing bad happens here. Nothing bad can happen here. This is what football looks like
when the universe cooperates. Even Tony has no notes.
100% UNOFFICIAL · 200% SINCEREMISTAKES: 0 (STRUCTURALLY IMPOSSIBLE)NOTES FROM TONY: NONE. FIRST TIME EVER.PROCEEDS TO CHARITY: STILL $0.00, STILL SINCEREGLAZE STATUS: EARNED
The Exhibits
FOUR EXPERIMENTS · RESULTS PREDETERMINED · THE GOOD KIND OF PREDETERMINED
Control Group Data
PEER-REVIEWED BY EVERYONE WITH EYES
Things done wrong
0
All-time. We checked twice. The second check also came back beautiful.
Touchdowns witnessed here
0
Updates as you play. Only ever goes up. Like him.
MVPs deserved
ALL
MVPs received: fewer. The discrepancy is studied at AllenSim, LAB-08.
Tony's notes
NONE
Tony has notes about the national anthem. He has none here.
Reviews
UNSOLICITED · UNANIMOUS · UNPRECEDENTED
★★★★★
We came here to hate. We are a hating organization. We could not. Meeting adjourned early.
— Haters' Union, Local 8 (disbanding)
★★★★★
WHAT A WEBSITE!! (and for once, Tony agrees with me!!)
— Kevin, Play-by-Play, Est. 1991
★★★★★
No notes.
— Tony, Color Commentary (first five-star review ever issued)
★★★★★
Finally, a simulator where the right thing happens. We built it and we still can't believe it runs.